No One Ever Told Me

Is there such a thing?
Is there a way to control my
self, my desires, my
inclinations, my thoughts,
my actions?
Is it possible to bring
discipline and order to this
chaos of a soul, this being, this
person? Even if there were,
why would I want to do this?

I like the chaos. I am chaos, and
I’m loving it. Gratify me.
You’re talking a strait-jacket,
right? Like a rope tightening around
my heart , binding me,
or a coffin-like box to
empty my mind into. Or some
nasty diet I use to
self-flagellate myself into
self-control.

Not me, baby, not me. Ain’t
natural, ain’t normal. It’s about
my wants, my urges, my needs, my
power. Period. End of discussion.
Congress gets it; why not you?
A good thing?
Right. If self-control’s not about me,
then who?
It’s always all about me.
Just ask my self-esteem.

What? Not me? Others? What?
I control myself to
let others live?
I submit myself to
let others be free?

No one ever said such foolishness.
No one ever told me such foolishness.
Before.

I never thought it would simply
be an invitation to accept,
a question to answer yes,
a decision to surrender
what did not matter anyway, really.

No one ever said this.
No one ever told me this.
Before.

(To see other posts on self-control, visit the One Word Blog Carnival over at Bridget Chumbley's place.)