It’s been one of those tense times. Too much work at work. Too much stuff to fit in when I’m not at work. Not sleeping well. Trying to get back into shape after my ruptured disc episode. Trying to edit the sequel novel to Dancing Priest. Trying to get my head around taking some vacation. Trying to keep the yard and gardens watered in a drought. Too much of my mind going in a dozen directions at once.
Physical and emotional tiredness give way to spiritual tiredness.
Just a few weeks ago, it was all good. Things were going well. I was in a tremendously creative period at work and with my writing. The publisher was excited after reading the manuscript for the second novel.
So what happened?
I was trying to maintain a carefully constructed balance. It didn’t crash, but I think I sagged.
Notice the emphasis on “I.” I was not only trying to do too much, I was doing too much. And much of it had to do with “I.”
My “it’s all about performance” genes were kicking in.
I forgot that, in the end, performance is useless, a trap, a snare. Performance is never enough. No performance, no matter how good, is ever really good enough.
I forgot that performance is not the same thing as work.
I forgot about grace.
“Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace,” says Jerry Bridges in The Discipline of Grace. “And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God’s grace.”
Our performance is not the high calling we are called to. Our work is.
There’s a difference. And it’s significant.