An answer to my friend Duane

On Facebook yesterday, writer/blogger Duane Scott posted a message that was more than a message – it was more a cry from his heart. With his indulgence, I’m going to post most of it here:

“I'm a blogger. A Christian blogger. Do people see me as a writer who can always put a perfect ending on everything regardless if I feel the perfect ending or not? Is that something we as writers need to be concerned with?

“Some of my best blogger friends, like Sandra and Jennifer and Glynn and Ann and Ann Voskamp and Karin and Dusty (and on and on and on) always have beautiful endings... they always point things back to God.

“But I know they struggle. I know they have flaws.

“But their God and their faith in God outshines all of those flaws and honestly, I think my perception of them becomes a bit false because of it. I forget they're human. (And I start to think they don't have 1/10th the struggles I do.)

“But I'm wondering if people see me as a flawed person / writer only redeemed by Grace or if they start to see me as a Christian writer who always has the perfect ending...”

Comments were posted, and then Duane wrote this:

“I want you writers, Sandra, Jennifer, Glynn, Ann, Ann Voskamp, Dusty and Karin to know... the reason I pointed you out is because I want your faith. I want your belief.

“You shine as a beacon that someday, I'd like to be.

“You aren't unrealistic. I read your blogs because you're real.

“But I know as fellow writers, that maybe you can help me out with some of my wonderings today...  

I didn’t respond of Facebook. For one thing, I was too surprised – to find myself placed in the company of Sandra Heska King, Jennifer Dukes-Lee, Ann Kroeker, Ann Voskamp, Dustry Rayburn and Karin Fendick. I read their blogs, too, and I’m consistently blown away, humbled and encouraged.

For another thing, I wanted to ponder what Duane said. In fact, I needed to ponder it. I asked myself if I give that impression of “perfect ending” in what I write. And my answer is, well, maybe sometimes.

But I do know this. Duane, you do not want my faith. God gave you the faith you have, and it is sufficient.

You would find my faith torn by doubts and heartache.

You would find my soul anguished.

You would find my spirit plagued by worries – about the future of our country, the church and even my family.

You would find my person flawed, hurtful and hurting, struggling and usually failing to live my faith at home, at work, at church and everywhere else. I get angry and usually suppress it, until it erupts as a ruptured disk in my back. I sin. I fail. I get discouraged, and often.

And I am loved anyway.

The truth is, there is a perfect ending – there is always a perfect ending, and that’s the perfect ending I want to be about, even if it's beyond my earthly reach.

It’s just not in this life.

Related: Karin Fendick also posted a response.

Photograph: Jesus Christ by Petr Kratochvil via Public Domain Pictures. Used with permission.